I Will Survive

Hey y'all, not going to lie it's just been a bad week. It's taken a toll on my mental health but thanks to the Lord, I am still here on the mission. 

And just letting you know, I have been still trying to figure out how to process this week mentally, so much so that I rewrote this email.

I said things I didn't mean to offend people by, I accidentally said something else to make people uncomfortable, and I just about decided to be that person that stopped talking for 4 years. And then later down the week my grandma passed away, and the guilt and stress just took me out a couple of times. The adversary has been taking me down from all sides, but "I'm still standing"

Later I found out that my habits that I used to have of (hiding behind my companion) have come back and it's going to be a difficult time gaining trust with our friends and the ward if I keep doing the same thing. That's my next goal once I get back to normal again. 

I've had trouble eating but I manage to force some crackers. I have seen the Lord’s hand strengthening me when I am grieving. I almost couldn't get out of bed but you know what I said to myself? "All you need to do is show up". And I know that is a fact, and so I did. 

I started to have this big fear this week that if I am not at my 100% then it's groundworthy for me to get sent home. My companion asked me if I wanted to go home. Y'all, I don't want to go home. I have worked too hard to get to this point to be sent home. I have like 3.5 months left. I had the impression to call Nurse Trappett and she was definitely the person I needed to talk to. A good peice of advice she gave me was to "not feel guilt for the things you did when you are grieving/are in survival mode. It is okay to grieve, you should not put so high of expectations on yourself right now." 

A mission isn't easy. Sometimes you may question why you are still here. But you want to know the reson why I am still here (or how I am making it right now)?

☆ I have people that still need me and still need the "good news"

☆ " All I need to do is show up"

☆ We have people to find at this fair and I have to dance that dance I have been practicing for a couple of weeks now! 

☆ I still wanna help others struggle with Jesus Christ instead of struggling alone.

☆ I have been banging to some of songs that I knew before the mission (in my head)

- I will survive

- Songs by Beyoncé 

- Africa by Shakira 

- Hey Ya by outkast 

- "Let us all press on" - The tabernacle choir 

But there have been some cool moments. 

> We got to do a zumba class

> We had some bussin' corn and peaches

> My friend Heidi got called to Paris France (I remember when she was baptized!!)

> A friend of My mom's showed up at our apartment and gave me some flowers and this really cute pig that can be heated up and it smells like the fresh lavender. Literally that has so much meaning to me

> A friend showed me a pic of my missionary plaque (because she was serving around there) and it looks so cool!

The Lord strengthens his saints in times of need. I witness that he is real and what I just said is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Ciao!

Hermana Vestel